Even though, some progress has been made, I feel as though BDSM still has a negative stigma attached to it. Many people just cannot understand how anyone could think that pain can equal pleasure.
I’ve always had a fascination with BDSM. Before I ever had a clear understanding of what it was the fantasies in my head would always include part of it in some shape or form. They first began with simple thoughts of being spanked, choked, or having my hair pulled, etc. Then they progressed to fantasizing about being completely submissive to my partner and being put under public humiliation. Keep in mind these were just fantasies. None of this was acted out with a partner “yet”.
None of my then friends ever talked about anything like this. So I turned to the internet. Low and behold I was introduced to the world of BDSM. Not just the BDSM featured in porn, but real people discussing and sharing their experiences. It was so comforting to know that I was not alone. Overtime I became comfortable with discussing this topic with my partners and I was so lucky to find individuals who were open to the experience. Some of whom had been practicing BDSM for quite some time. It didn’t take long for me to turn those fantasies into reality.
I’m in no way an expert when it comes to BDSM. However, there are some tips that I think those who are interested in BDSM should keep in mind.
- Be conscious of what you do and don’t want before getting involved in anything.
- Whomever you choose to involve in this process also has to be conscious of what you want and vice versa. You also must have complete trust in each another.
- If you are working with toys that may involve mouth gags, have signals for your partner to know when you have reached your limit.
- Take it slow. You don’t have to dive right into every fantasy you ever thought of.
It’s not abuse! A couple years ago, I was discussing with a friend how I like for my partners to take complete control over me during sex. This idiot proceeds to ask me, so you like being raped? I almost lost it when she said that. I’m so glad I am no longer friends with her. Everyone needs to realize that an abuser has no concern for the victim and BDSM doesn’t work that way. So many people have in their minds that BDSM is just very rough sex. For some people it could be, but there are so many different levels of BDSM. Some individuals may be practicing subtle forms of BDSM and not even know it i.e. tying their partner up or pinning them done during sex. Don’t get me wrong I am well aware of the fact that abuse does occur.
For those of you who are new to BDSM I would definitely recommend checking out local groups in your community. If you feel as though that may be a little to close to home I completely understand. Another option would be to join FetLife which is social networking site where you will be able to engage with other BDSM lovers.
My hope is that everyone could get to a point where they are not afraid to express the fantasies in their heads, because trust me you are not alone. I think that I have enough kinky thoughts rolling around in my head for ten people!