Many religious individuals believe indeed that you can pray the gay away. Some have gone so far as to perform exorcisms in order to try to release the so called “gay demon”. Seriously there are videos all over the internet. Recent headlines about a clinic owned by Presidential candidate Michelle Bachman and her husband has drawn more attention to this issue. Apparently this is a Christian counseling clinic where one of the areas they specialize in is helping to turn gay individuals straight. I believe that this is all bullshit. Yet, sadly I once was under the impression that I could pray the gay away.
From a very early age I knew I had an attraction to both men and women. Growing up I had sexual relations with girls before I ever thought about being with guys. My friends and I would always fool around, but nothing too serious. However, things started to get a bit more serious between me and one of my friends. Okay very serious. At this point I would say that I am maybe 15 or 16 years old. This particular friend was more experienced than me when it came to sex, so she taught me a lot. Not to mention she was the first person to ever go down on me. I was obsessed. I would always beg my mother to let me spend the night at her house. Unfortunately, the fun came to an abrupt end.
This was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. So one night we were in full tribadism mode and all of a sudden her father walks in on us. My heart dropped. Both her and my family was very religious. Therefore, I knew this was not going to end well. As expected I was sent home immediately and that was the last place I wanted to go. I wanted to avoid my mother’s raft at all costs. When I got home she scolded me, saying how could you disrespect your family and god like that. She told me I better repent, because I did not want to go to hell for the “sin” I had committed. For weeks she would barely even talk to me.
Back then I cared deeply about not disappointing or upsetting my mother. Now at this point I was still in the middle when it came to religion. I did not consider myself to be an atheist quite yet. I wanted to do anything to get my mother to love me again. I started to go to church with her more often and I began to pray relentlessly. I would pray for god to help me not to be attracted to women anymore. Needless to say I realized that this bs was not working. I said to myself this is ridiculous. Why am I praying to god to relieve me from something that is not harming anyone? As I stated earlier I was still on the fence about religion, but this pushed me right over the edge. I was done. I was not going to go through life being someone who I was not and hating others for how they choose to live their life.
Looking back on it now I cannot believe how stupid I was for praying for this. Especially praying to someone where there is no proof that they actually exist. Even if they did exist why would you want to worship someone who hates who you truly are?