This six letter word carries several meanings. Here are two of the main definitions that I have seen equated to someone who is said to be a virgin.
- Someone who has not participated in any sexual/intimate activities (i.e. kissing, masturbation, oral sex, etc.)
- Someone who hasn’t experienced penis/vagina sex
I know that there are plenty more, but those are the two that stand out to me. Our culture and religious beliefs have assisted in helping to make “virgin” and “virginity” such complex terms especially for women.
That is the reason why I decided to discuss this topic. I feel as though so many young girls and women have a distorted view of what being a virgin means. I was on Yahoo Answers a few weeks ago and came across a question that sparked my interest. A young woman asked if she would still be considered a virgin if she used a dildo or vibrator. Some of the responders told her that an individual is no longer considered a virgin when they have had sexual intercourse and they all referenced penis/vagina sex. Others since she is a female responded by saying when her hymen has been broken she is no longer a virgin. I could not disagree more.
In my opinion an individual is no longer a virgin after they have had their first orgasm. Many people have called me crazy for feeling this way, but I am sticking to my guns. The hymen hoopla is really getting on my nerves. I wrote about it previously in “Has Your Cherry Been Popped”. The hymen varies from woman to woman. Many people associate when a woman bleeds during sexual intercourse (penis/vagina sex) to her hymen breaking and the loss of her virginity. However, the hymen is not an indicator of whether or not a woman is a virgin. The hymen may break during puberty or random physical activities (i.e. playing sports).
Blood during intercourse is never a good thing. This can be a result of not having an adequate amount of lubrication which causes vaginal tearing. Everyone also needs to stop thinking of penis/vagina sex as the only way an individual can have sex. There are a plethora of ways that you can have sex and/or reach an orgasm without having penis/vagina sex (anal sex, masturbation, oral sex, dry humping, etc). Yes, penis/vagina sex allows us to reproduce, but it is not the end all be all when it comes to sex.
I strongly believe that we need to get rid of the terms virgin and virginity. Why do we need them? We also need to stop thinking that being a sexual is a bad thing. Everyone needs to own their sex and sexuality (especially women, I just can’t say it enough). Stop allowing others to define what is right for you!